tune in, fuck off and change the laws

the war on drugs

preaching to the converted, I know but surely one day, one day the bullshit will not flow and I will be free. Till then, just know that the facts are on your side, the falsehoods, the lies, the corruption, the pointeless hysteria masquerading as law, are all on the side of the self righteous.

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=0HD6B94RURA&feature=related

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-lEm-IYuQU&feature=related

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=GVRUpmlEXJ4

iraq decoder 08

significant progress: a long running joke, first used in 2003 then at every opportunity since, great for best mans speech's at weddings or to signify a mysterious gap between reality and preceding sentence.

progress: going backwards at a slower pace.

serious challenge: going backwards in an uncontrolled fashion

success: complete failure that can be made to look like the outcome was just as predicted eg Basra 2008

Turning Point: updated after test marketing found overuse syndrome, now refereed to as "convergence point". Use in Friedmans (6 monthly time period) essential for all future press releases.

consolidate recent security gains: as above, but generally used when reality has spiraled so far out of control and the Iraq War Marketing Department have identified body of 6 year old in photos as insurgent or terrorists. Iraq has been consolidated so many times it is surprising the entire country is not able to be contained within a 6 x 6 room.

"a free Iraq": an Iraqi who has fled to Denmark and been given a refugee visa. Once held post of trauma surgeon at Basra General, now sells kebabs at Copenhagen Docks (late shift 2am-10am).

stand by themselves: the ability of Iraqi's to kill other Iraqi's.


supporting role: to be used whenever Iraq Security Forces changes sides during "consolidation" operation and needs to have freedom bullets fired in their general direction by their US overlords.

100 years: the time it will take for historians to find something the Bush Administration did right. Also likely time frame for troop withdrawal.

experience: the ability to fail miserably over a lengthy period of time.

The troops: meat puppets dangling from political strings.

surge: dangling of meat puppets over hot coals until done. Can be used in place of actively thinking about policy, often used in conjunction with and/or in same sentence with "turning point", "progress", "significant progress" and leading brand of all in one toothpaste/tinea treatment.

evidence: mysterious cloud of hot gas masquerading as a "fact"

Jesus: vengeful Deity whom all Muslims will eventually be persuaded to follow.

Maliki government: strange multi lingual beast, known to be able to say one thing in English and the exact opposite in Arabic while maintaining that they are in fact the same thing. Rumoured to live in a cave in the green zone, emerging to "vote" before scurrying back to discussions on what they did not vote on. Known to eat American dollars and love Persian food.

national unity government: original name of Malaki Government before change by deed poll, still used by Fox News, so you know its gots to wrong.

“strong leader,” and a “good guy” with “deep determination.”: The Malaki Government when the Bush administration doesn't wish to listen to what the Malaki Government has proposed.

Iranian-backed militants: Friends of the Malaki government.

Green zone: large target in centre of Capitol city used for artillery practice only.

tie the hands of our commanders: a refusal to answer specific questions that may lead to embarrassing answers when asked by Congress. Also answer to any question which may stray from "stay the course" line of questioning.

impose artificial time lines for withdrawal: same as "don't ask, don't tell" policy or 2005 buzz word "benchmarks", a meaningless way to pad out a sentence in answer to a question you don't wish to answer.

burden worth bearing: either a naked 16 yo supermodel sitting on your face or a well worn cliche taken from an old pamphlet left over from the US war of independence. Churchillian in its resonance when applied to supermodel, used mostly when handing over multi-billion dollar cheque to Haliburton Subsidiary in Oval room at Whitehouse.

Iran (Iraqi): close ally and honored neighbouring country

Iran (US): monolithic evil force, killed JFK (photos provided) and Tupac (doll reenactment upon request) and scares young children with cloudy mushrooms. Was Hitler in a previous life. Also known use as a "mantra" for meditating neo-cons, replaces "Saddam" and "imminent threat".

Iranian-backed Shia groups: the Malaki Government

America will act to protect our interests and our troops: long running sitcom whose ratings are way down, after initial stirring successes since it was revealed that the same script has been recycled nightly for the past five years.

US out: catchy Iraqi pop song that has dominated the popular charts for many years, noted for its 70% harmonies and killer hook on chorus of "death to America" sung with high pitched 60% harmonies.

Curfews: Freedom timeouts called on misbehaving Iraqi citizens when ADHD drugs shipment into capitol has been hijacked.

long-term American military occupation: fictional tale that may well be based upon truth. see November 08

Senior Al-Qaeda Commander Dead: fictional account to be used in press releases when President has to answer questions he would rather not talk about. Tracks well with conservatives and makes them believe that it goes well with "staying the course" at all you can eat pancake house's. Another way of saying "whats that behind you?" when wishing to flee room.

Iraqi security forces: any Iraqi carrying a gun, but not yet shooting at Americans.

Insurgent (1): any Iraqi carrying a gun who may have shot at Americans.

Insurgent (2): any Iraqi shot by Americans. See IDF rules of engagement for explanation eg "we only shoot at terrorists, therefor anyone shot by the IDF is by definition a terrorist"

Benchmarks: long lost document now only seen in photocopy's of original press release from 2005, used primarily to stave off questions about "success" and "serious challengers", now seen as mythical products of fevered minds. Can be used as profane and obscene word when used by neo-cons and Bush Administration in relation to Democrats trying to "tie the hands of our commanders" with fact based reasoning.

cost: meaningless phrase like sacrifice or value/s, can be used in a thousand inventive ways but always ends the same way, with a cheque being forwarded to Dick Cheney's preferred charity, Haliburton.

Exit: narrow gap through a whirling phalanx of knives with a starving bear waiting at the end of a long dark tunnel. Not recommended for consideration or discussion by adults.

Exit Strategy: see above, but with more bears.

violence: multi-faceted word without precise meaning eg "A year ago, the president said we couldn't withdraw because there was too much violence," said Sen. Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass.). "Now he says we can't afford to withdraw because violence is down."

overall levels of violence: if you take a graph of all known geological time and place a red white and blue marker over the section inhabited by the Iraq war, you will see that there have been significantly less people eaten by dinosaurs in Iraq since beginning of 2003. Mark down under "success".

political-military calculus: clever turn of phrase by military man to deflect questioner from asking what the hell he means by "political-military calculus". Can you buy it in an electronics store and is it solar powered?

process of assessment: stalling for time

consolidation and evaluation: stalling for time while waiting to find blind watchmaker to repair Political-Military Calculus.

conditions on the ground: foot gazing exercise revealing baked on mud, sand, sperm and blood which in combination can be said to be chocolate or chocolate like in its palatable flavour.

September (1): a fictional date in the future when "process of assessment" will need to be "evaluated" according to "conditions on the ground", in reality the word September means March 2009 when "process of assessment" will need to be "evaluated" according to "conditions on the ground".

September (2): date plucked from an historical textbook, in Latin means; can we move onto the next question as I do not wish to answer that question.

"success is within reach": John McCain inserting tube of hemorrhoid cream without needing to call Joe Lieberman.

you can always be right...the john mccain way

My Favourite new fact of the day on Mr Maverick, re: 1992, Cindy McCain:

At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain's hair and said,

"You're getting a little thin up there."

McCain's face reddened, and he responded,

"At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt."

The McCain way, Three opposing points of view on Iraq.

John McCain, November 27, 2007:

PBS' Charlie Rose, McCain said, "I don't think so" when asked if South Korea "is an analogy of where Iraq might be ... in terms of an American presence over the next, say, 20, 25 years, that we will have a significant amount of troops there." McCain replied, "I don't think so." Rose then asked: "Even if there are no casualties?" McCain replied, "No. But I can see an American presence for a while. But eventually I think because of the nature of the society in Iraq and the religious aspects of it that America eventually withdraws."

McCain, January 3, 2008:

New Hampshire town hall meeting, a participant said to McCain: "President Bush has talked about our staying in Iraq for 50 years -- " and McCain interjected: "Maybe a hundred. We've been in South Korea; we've been in Japan for 60 years. We've been in South Korea for 50 years or so."

John McCain, April 2008

"I don't want to keep our troops in Iraq a minute longer than necessary to secure our interests there."

Its all so pointless John, no matter how many conflicting views you have, no matter how you craft your messages from audience to audience, no matter that you can hold all points at all times without the mainstream media bothering to ask how the fuck you can say the opposite of what you just blurted out, there is one thing you cant run from. 82%

82% is the number of Americans who believe that the country is heading in the wrong direction, this of course means that 18% of US citizens are currently in the last throws of some deadly brain withering disease.

This also means that those same 18% will look towards the testimony of General Patraeus and Bush mouthpiece, Ambassador Crocker as entirely new and thrilling, rather than what it was, just a reiteration of the same glossy brochure styling of how many different ways the word quagmire can be spun into something a bit more palatable to the 82%.

Without a doubt the most striking part of the testimony was just how one dimensional the outlook of the testimony is, the central and only tenant was focused on the old canard "staying the course", the only diversion from this was the number of troops needed to do this, and even then it was only a give or take of a few thousand. Clearly there has been a blanket ban on any look into the outcome of withdrawal besides the constant repetition of the "Bloodbath/Genocide" line so beloved of those who also told us that up until last year there simply was no civil war in Iraq.

With a constant 70-80% of Iraqis saying that the presence of the US forces IS the cause of the bloodshed, surely some serious, detailed analysis of the alternatives must have been produced by the Pentagon. If the Pentagon can expend its time making up hypothetical reports such as the one where the US is attacked by Canada (its true, its a laugh, but its true), surely there must be at least one or two minor briefing papers which examine the prospect of an American withdrawal, without the regurgitation of Cheneys doom laden voice entwined within. Are there really no independent voices left, has the GOP infiltration of the state department become so complete that it really is just another arm of the Republican PR machine?

The other overriding idea that was not in any way challenged was a simple one, that the US is in charge of Iraq, when clearly it has spun beyond any semblance of control by any one or even any combination of a dozen competing forces a long time ago. Malaki can barely say that he is in control of the green zone, let alone the whole of his capital, Al Sadr can claim to run swathes of the capitol and some areas of other cities, yet he, apparently lives in Iran due to the constant threat of assassination. Sistani, the Grand Mufti of Shiite Iraq, can claim to speak on behalf of all the Shiite, but then we have no way of knowing how true that is until he issues a proclamation that goes against any of the competing Shiite forces. The entire idea of the Iraq testimonies on capitol hill are based on a spheres of lies overlapping spheres of lies in order to create a prism of truth. How Vietnam 1967 is that. Whenever a success is proclaimed, eg Mosul or Basra, a week later it explodes in flames and that is meant to signify victory. It signifies a control over the spin and that's about all.

After 5 years of relentlessly optimistic appraisals the best that can be said by Patreaus is that any gains are "fragile and reversible", while Crocker said "The situation in certain areas is still unsatisfactory, and innumerable challenges remain. I do remain convinced that a major departure from our current engagement would bring failure.” This with a straight face, doing exactly the same as has created the mess will somehow uncreate the mess.

And the reason the remain so relentlessly upbeat, Anbar Province. This little slice of Sunni heaven, where the formerly hostile tribes now enjoy being given buckets of US taxpayer dollars for the privilege of not shooting at each US patrol that passes, given arsenals of weapons to police their own patch of turf. Naturally this will fall apart the second the first wad of cash is late and whatever you do, don't look at the conditions on the ground as these little fiefdoms are created, don't ask after women's rights or human rights or the notion of a freedom as being anything other than the freedom to worship in a very fundamentalist fashion. This is now the definition of victory, Iraq with a hundred Saddam's, Iraq with a hundred torture chambers in each province paid for by the US taxpayer.

"We're no longer staring into the abyss of defeat and we can now look ahead to the genuine prospect of success. Success - the establishment of a peaceful, stable, prosperous, democratic state that poses no threats to its neighbours and contributes to the defeat of terrorists - this success is within reach."

This is McCain's view, beside the 18% of US citizens wandering the streets in hospital gowns afflicted by BSE, would you agree with any part of it? Would you describe it as in any way a reflection of any form of reality. And this is meant to be McCain's strong suit, this is meant to be the only reason for voting for the man, his foreign affairs experience. The abyss has not only been stared into, its been lept into head first with a triple pike coming right after his head bit into the blood stained dirt.

Representative Howard L. Berman: “How effective could this effort have been when mortars and rockets can rain on the Green Zone?” he asked. “For more than two weeks, our embassy is bombarded. In all, the past two-plus weeks have seen the worst violence in the Green Zone since the war began.”

Success is not even a relative concept anymore, it is pure fantasy. Success in Iraq is just getting the US troops out, plain and simple, forget anything that may resemble a democracy, the Kurdish regions of Iraq are the best example of. Touted as peaceful and prosperous, the truth is one of a region where the veneer of democracy covers a benign dictatorship, this is the best that a future Iraq can hope for in the medium term, long term it is, as it always has been up to the Iraq people. When Obama questioned Crocker on what constituted a success,

A clearly nervous ambassador Crocker sidestepped the question of what constitutes success. He refused to agree with Obama that a messy democracy with some violent outbreaks was sufficient. It is a question McCain can expect to be asked over and over again if Obama becomes the nominee. It will be a hard question for McCain to answer.

But McCain has answered, not in his fantasy definition of success, but in his constant conflation of Iran with Iraq, success will have nothing to do with Iraq, it will lie in the overthrow of the regime in Tehran, thus fulfilling the dreams of those he surrounds himself with, the same group of neo-cons who created this quagmire in the first place.

McCain today:

"I don't think you could make a blanket statement about pre-emptive war, because obviously, it depends on the threat that the United States of America faces," McCain told his audience at Bridgewater Associates Inc., a global investment firm. "If someone is about to launch a weapon that would devastate America, or have the capability to do so, obviously, you would have to act immediately in defense of this nation's national security interests."

Hence all the pushing/hyping of the threat of Iran during Patreaus testimony by McCain and his loathsome proxy, Joe Lieberman. After 5 years of bloodshed, we return to the same place we were in the run up to the Iraqi fiasco, with a (potential) President just waiting for his agencies to produce the data that he needs to fix the facts around his already formulated conclusion.

As Doug Fieth said on the US 60 minutes last week

"I think the president made the right decision given what he knew. And given what we all knew," says Feith. "And to tell you the truth, even given what we've learned since."

I predict that he will be given a big desk at the McCain Whitehouse because brazen stupidity will be highly prized and much vaunted. To those 18% of zombified US citizens, I can only say eat more brains, the ones you have are clearly not working.

On the upside in the US, these are the top five porn dowloads of last week. At least they represent something like reality:

1. Not the Bradys XXX

2. It's a Mommy Thing 2

3. I'll Toss Your Salad if You Butter My Buns

4. Lesbian Bridal Stories

5. Fuck My Mom and Me 2

Relations between Britain and Iraq suffered “catastrophic failure” after Baghdad bypassed the British military and called in the American “cavalry” to help the recent offensive against Shia militia in Basra, The Times has learnt.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/iraq/article3671530.ece

How about we hook Crocker up to one of these

The Pentagon is planning to give US troops fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan "hand-held lie detectors" aimed at rooting out potential insurgents and terrorists.

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Pentagon_issues_pocket_lie_detector_to_0409.html