iraq decoder 08
significant progress: a long running joke, first used in 2003 then at every opportunity since, great for best mans speech's at weddings or to signify a mysterious gap between reality and preceding sentence.
progress: going backwards at a slower pace.
serious challenge: going backwards in an uncontrolled fashion
success: complete failure that can be made to look like the outcome was just as predicted eg Basra 2008
Turning Point: updated after test marketing found overuse syndrome, now refereed to as "convergence point". Use in Friedmans (6 monthly time period) essential for all future press releases.
consolidate recent security gains: as above, but generally used when reality has spiraled so far out of control and the Iraq War Marketing Department have identified body of 6 year old in photos as insurgent or terrorists. Iraq has been consolidated so many times it is surprising the entire country is not able to be contained within a 6 x 6 room.
"a free Iraq": an Iraqi who has fled to Denmark and been given a refugee visa. Once held post of trauma surgeon at Basra General, now sells kebabs at Copenhagen Docks (late shift 2am-10am).
stand by themselves: the ability of Iraqi's to kill other Iraqi's.
supporting role: to be used whenever Iraq Security Forces changes sides during "consolidation" operation and needs to have freedom bullets fired in their general direction by their US overlords.
100 years: the time it will take for historians to find something the Bush Administration did right. Also likely time frame for troop withdrawal.
experience: the ability to fail miserably over a lengthy period of time.
The troops: meat puppets dangling from political strings.
surge: dangling of meat puppets over hot coals until done. Can be used in place of actively thinking about policy, often used in conjunction with and/or in same sentence with "turning point", "progress", "significant progress" and leading brand of all in one toothpaste/tinea treatment.
evidence: mysterious cloud of hot gas masquerading as a "fact"
Jesus: vengeful Deity whom all Muslims will eventually be persuaded to follow.
Maliki government: strange multi lingual beast, known to be able to say one thing in English and the exact opposite in Arabic while maintaining that they are in fact the same thing. Rumoured to live in a cave in the green zone, emerging to "vote" before scurrying back to discussions on what they did not vote on. Known to eat American dollars and love Persian food.
national unity government: original name of Malaki Government before change by deed poll, still used by Fox News, so you know its gots to wrong.
“strong leader,” and a “good guy” with “deep determination.”: The Malaki Government when the Bush administration doesn't wish to listen to what the Malaki Government has proposed.
Iranian-backed militants: Friends of the Malaki government.
Green zone: large target in centre of Capitol city used for artillery practice only.
tie the hands of our commanders: a refusal to answer specific questions that may lead to embarrassing answers when asked by Congress. Also answer to any question which may stray from "stay the course" line of questioning.
impose artificial time lines for withdrawal: same as "don't ask, don't tell" policy or 2005 buzz word "benchmarks", a meaningless way to pad out a sentence in answer to a question you don't wish to answer.
burden worth bearing: either a naked 16 yo supermodel sitting on your face or a well worn cliche taken from an old pamphlet left over from the US war of independence. Churchillian in its resonance when applied to supermodel, used mostly when handing over multi-billion dollar cheque to Haliburton Subsidiary in Oval room at Whitehouse.
Iran (Iraqi): close ally and honored neighbouring country
Iran (US): monolithic evil force, killed JFK (photos provided) and Tupac (doll reenactment upon request) and scares young children with cloudy mushrooms. Was Hitler in a previous life. Also known use as a "mantra" for meditating neo-cons, replaces "Saddam" and "imminent threat".
Iranian-backed Shia groups: the Malaki Government
America will act to protect our interests and our troops: long running sitcom whose ratings are way down, after initial stirring successes since it was revealed that the same script has been recycled nightly for the past five years.
US out: catchy Iraqi pop song that has dominated the popular charts for many years, noted for its 70% harmonies and killer hook on chorus of "death to America" sung with high pitched 60% harmonies.
Curfews: Freedom timeouts called on misbehaving Iraqi citizens when ADHD drugs shipment into capitol has been hijacked.
long-term American military occupation: fictional tale that may well be based upon truth. see November 08
Senior Al-Qaeda Commander Dead: fictional account to be used in press releases when President has to answer questions he would rather not talk about. Tracks well with conservatives and makes them believe that it goes well with "staying the course" at all you can eat pancake house's. Another way of saying "whats that behind you?" when wishing to flee room.
Iraqi security forces: any Iraqi carrying a gun, but not yet shooting at Americans.
Insurgent (1): any Iraqi carrying a gun who may have shot at Americans.
Insurgent (2): any Iraqi shot by Americans. See IDF rules of engagement for explanation eg "we only shoot at terrorists, therefor anyone shot by the IDF is by definition a terrorist"
Benchmarks: long lost document now only seen in photocopy's of original press release from 2005, used primarily to stave off questions about "success" and "serious challengers", now seen as mythical products of fevered minds. Can be used as profane and obscene word when used by neo-cons and Bush Administration in relation to Democrats trying to "tie the hands of our commanders" with fact based reasoning.
cost: meaningless phrase like sacrifice or value/s, can be used in a thousand inventive ways but always ends the same way, with a cheque being forwarded to Dick Cheney's preferred charity, Haliburton.
Exit: narrow gap through a whirling phalanx of knives with a starving bear waiting at the end of a long dark tunnel. Not recommended for consideration or discussion by adults.
Exit Strategy: see above, but with more bears.
violence: multi-faceted word without precise meaning eg "A year ago, the president said we couldn't withdraw because there was too much violence," said Sen. Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass.). "Now he says we can't afford to withdraw because violence is down."
overall levels of violence: if you take a graph of all known geological time and place a red white and blue marker over the section inhabited by the Iraq war, you will see that there have been significantly less people eaten by dinosaurs in Iraq since beginning of 2003. Mark down under "success".
political-military calculus: clever turn of phrase by military man to deflect questioner from asking what the hell he means by "political-military calculus". Can you buy it in an electronics store and is it solar powered?
process of assessment: stalling for time
consolidation and evaluation: stalling for time while waiting to find blind watchmaker to repair Political-Military Calculus.
conditions on the ground: foot gazing exercise revealing baked on mud, sand, sperm and blood which in combination can be said to be chocolate or chocolate like in its palatable flavour.
September (1): a fictional date in the future when "process of assessment" will need to be "evaluated" according to "conditions on the ground", in reality the word September means March 2009 when "process of assessment" will need to be "evaluated" according to "conditions on the ground".
September (2): date plucked from an historical textbook, in Latin means; can we move onto the next question as I do not wish to answer that question.
"success is within reach": John McCain inserting tube of hemorrhoid cream without needing to call Joe Lieberman.
progress: going backwards at a slower pace.
serious challenge: going backwards in an uncontrolled fashion
success: complete failure that can be made to look like the outcome was just as predicted eg Basra 2008
Turning Point: updated after test marketing found overuse syndrome, now refereed to as "convergence point". Use in Friedmans (6 monthly time period) essential for all future press releases.
consolidate recent security gains: as above, but generally used when reality has spiraled so far out of control and the Iraq War Marketing Department have identified body of 6 year old in photos as insurgent or terrorists. Iraq has been consolidated so many times it is surprising the entire country is not able to be contained within a 6 x 6 room.
"a free Iraq": an Iraqi who has fled to Denmark and been given a refugee visa. Once held post of trauma surgeon at Basra General, now sells kebabs at Copenhagen Docks (late shift 2am-10am).
stand by themselves: the ability of Iraqi's to kill other Iraqi's.
supporting role: to be used whenever Iraq Security Forces changes sides during "consolidation" operation and needs to have freedom bullets fired in their general direction by their US overlords.
100 years: the time it will take for historians to find something the Bush Administration did right. Also likely time frame for troop withdrawal.
experience: the ability to fail miserably over a lengthy period of time.
The troops: meat puppets dangling from political strings.
surge: dangling of meat puppets over hot coals until done. Can be used in place of actively thinking about policy, often used in conjunction with and/or in same sentence with "turning point", "progress", "significant progress" and leading brand of all in one toothpaste/tinea treatment.
evidence: mysterious cloud of hot gas masquerading as a "fact"
Jesus: vengeful Deity whom all Muslims will eventually be persuaded to follow.
Maliki government: strange multi lingual beast, known to be able to say one thing in English and the exact opposite in Arabic while maintaining that they are in fact the same thing. Rumoured to live in a cave in the green zone, emerging to "vote" before scurrying back to discussions on what they did not vote on. Known to eat American dollars and love Persian food.
national unity government: original name of Malaki Government before change by deed poll, still used by Fox News, so you know its gots to wrong.
“strong leader,” and a “good guy” with “deep determination.”: The Malaki Government when the Bush administration doesn't wish to listen to what the Malaki Government has proposed.
Iranian-backed militants: Friends of the Malaki government.
Green zone: large target in centre of Capitol city used for artillery practice only.
tie the hands of our commanders: a refusal to answer specific questions that may lead to embarrassing answers when asked by Congress. Also answer to any question which may stray from "stay the course" line of questioning.
impose artificial time lines for withdrawal: same as "don't ask, don't tell" policy or 2005 buzz word "benchmarks", a meaningless way to pad out a sentence in answer to a question you don't wish to answer.
burden worth bearing: either a naked 16 yo supermodel sitting on your face or a well worn cliche taken from an old pamphlet left over from the US war of independence. Churchillian in its resonance when applied to supermodel, used mostly when handing over multi-billion dollar cheque to Haliburton Subsidiary in Oval room at Whitehouse.
Iran (Iraqi): close ally and honored neighbouring country
Iran (US): monolithic evil force, killed JFK (photos provided) and Tupac (doll reenactment upon request) and scares young children with cloudy mushrooms. Was Hitler in a previous life. Also known use as a "mantra" for meditating neo-cons, replaces "Saddam" and "imminent threat".
Iranian-backed Shia groups: the Malaki Government
America will act to protect our interests and our troops: long running sitcom whose ratings are way down, after initial stirring successes since it was revealed that the same script has been recycled nightly for the past five years.
US out: catchy Iraqi pop song that has dominated the popular charts for many years, noted for its 70% harmonies and killer hook on chorus of "death to America" sung with high pitched 60% harmonies.
Curfews: Freedom timeouts called on misbehaving Iraqi citizens when ADHD drugs shipment into capitol has been hijacked.
long-term American military occupation: fictional tale that may well be based upon truth. see November 08
Senior Al-Qaeda Commander Dead: fictional account to be used in press releases when President has to answer questions he would rather not talk about. Tracks well with conservatives and makes them believe that it goes well with "staying the course" at all you can eat pancake house's. Another way of saying "whats that behind you?" when wishing to flee room.
Iraqi security forces: any Iraqi carrying a gun, but not yet shooting at Americans.
Insurgent (1): any Iraqi carrying a gun who may have shot at Americans.
Insurgent (2): any Iraqi shot by Americans. See IDF rules of engagement for explanation eg "we only shoot at terrorists, therefor anyone shot by the IDF is by definition a terrorist"
Benchmarks: long lost document now only seen in photocopy's of original press release from 2005, used primarily to stave off questions about "success" and "serious challengers", now seen as mythical products of fevered minds. Can be used as profane and obscene word when used by neo-cons and Bush Administration in relation to Democrats trying to "tie the hands of our commanders" with fact based reasoning.
cost: meaningless phrase like sacrifice or value/s, can be used in a thousand inventive ways but always ends the same way, with a cheque being forwarded to Dick Cheney's preferred charity, Haliburton.
Exit: narrow gap through a whirling phalanx of knives with a starving bear waiting at the end of a long dark tunnel. Not recommended for consideration or discussion by adults.
Exit Strategy: see above, but with more bears.
violence: multi-faceted word without precise meaning eg "A year ago, the president said we couldn't withdraw because there was too much violence," said Sen. Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass.). "Now he says we can't afford to withdraw because violence is down."
overall levels of violence: if you take a graph of all known geological time and place a red white and blue marker over the section inhabited by the Iraq war, you will see that there have been significantly less people eaten by dinosaurs in Iraq since beginning of 2003. Mark down under "success".
political-military calculus: clever turn of phrase by military man to deflect questioner from asking what the hell he means by "political-military calculus". Can you buy it in an electronics store and is it solar powered?
process of assessment: stalling for time
consolidation and evaluation: stalling for time while waiting to find blind watchmaker to repair Political-Military Calculus.
conditions on the ground: foot gazing exercise revealing baked on mud, sand, sperm and blood which in combination can be said to be chocolate or chocolate like in its palatable flavour.
September (1): a fictional date in the future when "process of assessment" will need to be "evaluated" according to "conditions on the ground", in reality the word September means March 2009 when "process of assessment" will need to be "evaluated" according to "conditions on the ground".
September (2): date plucked from an historical textbook, in Latin means; can we move onto the next question as I do not wish to answer that question.
"success is within reach": John McCain inserting tube of hemorrhoid cream without needing to call Joe Lieberman.
posted by the bluhamster at 11:14 AM
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