christopher pyne, useless twat or waste of good food and space? u decide

Marcos 2 comes to visit the king of the backflip, PM Halfpike. Here, within seconds, he reneges on the handshake and calls Marcos 2 a skanky whore who should leave the country immediately, unless she can name the date of Ned Kellys birthday and how many gay australians died at Gallipoli (answer none, or some, either way they wont tell).

"Mrs. Arroyo has become the symbol of everything that is wrong in Philippine governance," says Randolf S. David, professor of sociology at the University of the Philippines. "Many believe that the longer she remains in office, the more the crisis engulfs the whole system."

We have another corrupt dictator in town, President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo who after a very brief period of "reform" when first elected has reverted to type, rigging the last election (caught on tape), arresting and intimididating the oppostion, declaring martial law over a trumped up "coup" and using the "war on terror" as a justification for some extremely dubious crack downs on legitmate protests.

Will our PM raise any of these issues or will he be happy to get a few snapshot moments with Marcos 2. He's already agreed to increased military co-operation between our nations with nary a word about human rights in the fine print. In the Phillipines elected members of parliament are labeled communists and terrorists on Marcos 2's whim and the free press is but a distant memory, seems like the 1970's haven't left. Will the PM even dare to ask how many pairs of shoes are in the closet?

Earlier this year she briefly declared a state of emergency in response to allegations of a coup threat that others disputed. Since then she has been intensifying pressure on a wide range of political critics and especially on the press. Government officials have warned news outlets that they will be held to restrictive new guidelines, the justice secretary talks darkly about a journalistic watch list, and the staff members of a well- known center for investigative journalism have been threatened with sedition charges. No Philippine government has made such efforts to muzzle the press since the Marcos era

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For anyone who didnt instantly assume that the "Coalition of the Willing" were stuck in Iraq forever, here is the whitehouse take on the matter:

White House spokesman Tony Snow said Bush would like to see a U.S. role in Iraq ultimately similar to that in South Korea.

"The Korean model is one in which the United States provides a security presence, but you've had the development of a successful democracy in South Korea over a period of years, and, therefore, the United States is there as a force of stability," Snow told reporters.

sort of contradicts our flailing "crazy"* PM's version of events where he declares that we will not stay one minute beyond the need to be there, but then again, our need to be there to babysit the civil war could well las the 50 odd years the US has been in Korea. As per usual, Mr Snow re-writes history just a bit, not only were we invited in to defend South Korea, we went in with the full and complete support of the UN and under its umbrella, and active hostilities didnt last as long as the present accomplished mission in Iraq.

* see michelle

http://www.theage.com.au/news/national/flustered-howard-sounds-a-little-crazy/2007/05/29/1180205250476.html

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One item sums up the entire Bush Whitehouse, and its a wonderful piece of logic.

Bush has told the US department of Agriculture that it must keep tests on BSE (mad cow disease) to less than one per cent of slaughtered cattle, because testing more may lead to them finding BSE in the cattle. Meat producers and ranchers have lobbied hard to keep the expensive testing to an absolute minimum to reduce the risk (and cost) that they may have to say that the meat supply is less than what they guarantee is true. How GW is that. A victory for truth, justice and the american way.

As a sidelight and a wonderful further illumination of the Bushies bullshit, the Department of Homeland Security has released its record on "tracking down the terrorists", it turns out "in 2002, President Bush invoked the fight against "terror" or "terrorists" 19 times in a single speech. That's more mentions than there have been terrorism charges brought by the department in the last three years, according to an independent analysis of DHS records."

"The DHS claims it is focused on terrorism. Well that's just not true," TRAC spokesman David Burnham told CNN. "Either there's no terrorism, or they're terrible at catching them. Either way it's bad for all of us." The report found "national security" charges also made up a miniscule number of those brought by DHS. Only 114 -- or 0.014 percent -- of charges carried that designation.

http://rawstory.com/news/2007/Report_Less_than_.01__of_0528.html

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Favourite headline for the moment comes from the herald-sun:

Carl Williams Rejects Islam

noted religious scholar and australia's worst serial killer, carl williams from deep behind bars has said that he will not convert to islam. Is that a point in favour of islam or one against, should we consult him on climate change and IR laws. If we have that bastion of truth, the herald sun to rely upon, maybe he wil end up as foriegn minister in a Bolt Government.

the ghost of maggie

Let me see if I got this right, last week, Joe Hockey, the minister of whatever portfolio needs a Santa figure to sit the public on its knee and mouth fictional, feel good, platitudes, said these exact words on numerous occasions:

"This government is not for the turning on IR"

Well the General Belgrano has been torpedoed in international waters once again and the Sheffield is ablaze.

Now, its turning, flipping 180 degrees and putting in legislation that 12 months ago it specifically rejected. So now what happens to the logjam of incredibly unfair AWA's that have already been sign, sealed and slashed into the national psyche?

Will the Spotlight workers have thier 2cents an hour pay increase taken away from them and their penalty rates, loadings and overtime reinstated?

Even Howards shill, Peter Hendy, is complaining (my god a first, must be a fitup)

"the Government is reacting to the union movement's anti-WorkChoices campaign and will increase red tape for businesses. We're disappointed, they are changes to the WorkChoices that didn't need to be made, we think they're completely unnecessary," he said.
"They're strengthening the workplace safety net, but it doesn't need to be strengthened, it was strong enough under WorkChoices as it stood."

But of course he refuses to repeat what he did of the Labor IR laws, whereas Labors laws will destroy jobs and decimate the economy, these will of course do nothing of the sort, he just finds them a bit slimey and union inspired.

As if Howards boot-in-arse man, seasoned troglodyte, Bill Herffernans comments condeming his fellow Liberal front bencher, Julie Bishop (she is after all "barren" and in a position of some leadership) were not enough to suggest that this government is in utter flailing panic mode, now we have a complete flip flop on something that was set in concrete in the space of a mere 7 days.

Deputy Labor leader Julia Gillard says it is pre-election window dressing.
"The cynicism just reeks doesn't it?" she said. "I'm sure they've looked at the polls and they've said to the pollsters, what would get us through, what would give us some ice to skate on?
"And it's because it's just ice to skate on, not something that they really believe, that Australians should be deeply suspicious of it."

Joe, Johny, just release the data that has you in such a spin over AWA's, it cant be that bad, can it? Although if you are prepared to spin your entire IR laws 180 degrees, I am looking forward to the Governments commitment to transparency...

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The GOP Presidential Debate Part 1, the first of the coming season

meanwhile a bunch of doomed middle aged white guys shoveled shit over burning coals in the first Republican debate for the poisoned chalice of GOP Candidate for the 2008 Presidential election.

All want to be Ronald Regan, as if that were something anyone with any sense would aspire to, trickle down economics still workin, eh Mr Bush or the military buildup still sending the country broke, or what about StarWars, hear Poland is getting a bit nervous about that one, how about mining iranian harbors, worked in Nicuragua, or funding and arming deaths squads in Honduras, Negroponte can be flipped into the new administration and give you a few clues about how he did that (oops, already been there and dont it in Iraq), blowing up civilian airliners? That should teach the Iranians another lesson. What about they treat Iraq just like Regan treated Lebanon, he said that the US was in for the long haul, then promptly withdrew all troops and started shelling Beruit from the safety of the USS missouri, theres a lesson there, no? What about selling arms to the Iranians in exchange for, whatever, then watching as the arms were used to blow up US forces in Lebanon (hence his flip flop on the long haul commitment), theres a message there.

Cant we just treat serious complex issues as Regan did in the war on drugs and just boil it all down to a simple mantra "Just say No". No to any of the following fools getting anything but the arse whuppin they deserve in the not so, yet still too far, near future.

the esteemed candidates

Duncan Hunter, R-Calif.,

who the fuck is he and how come he wants to drive the truck?

Mike Huckabee, former governor of Arkansas,

doesn't believe in evolution, another great forward thinker in the whitehouse. Most likely is suspicous of this electricty thing. Would have fired Rumsfeld and bitch slapped his mother, a plus, in my book, I love seeing old men hit even older women, makes for a great photo op and oodles of free publicity.

"I Would Have Fired Rumsfeld "Before The Election"

Jim Gilmore, former governor of Virginia

unknown to me or anyone else outside of close family circles, relying upon the success of the Gilmore Girls to piggy back him to brand recognition victory, shocked the show has been cancelled, will pull out very soon and give his vote to a stretch of highway.

Mitt Romney, former Massachusetts governor

Mormon, apparently the most hated religion in the US, with more voters willing to vote for a woman or a black candidate (76% would not vote for-15% MNVF-7% WNVF), so a bit of a set back for everything except intolerance. Is both for and against abortion, for and against the war in Iraq, for bombing Osama Bin Laden and against doing that very same thing. May have a few issues to overcome, however

"Fitzgerald Was "Outrageous" For Going After Scooter Libby"

so is pro-treason, pro-perjury, a real vote winner. Promises to burn a US flag at his inaguration.

"Bin Laden Is Going To Pay And He Will Die"...make sure he pays before he dies, otherwise its a bitch to get a dead man to pick up the check on anything.

Sen. Sam Brownback, R-Kan.

A catholic who ignores the Popes directive to believe in evolution, may be gay and a secret abortionist as well, if he is prepared to ignore his own infallible religious leaders word, is clearly capable of anything. Plus he is from Kansas where the biology class readings are taken directed from the old testament and slavery is still legal. Will win if his secrets are not revealed and never speaks in public. Will lose if anyone besides himself shows up on election day.

Banning Roe v. Wade Would Be A "Glorious Day Of Human Liberty"

Freedom"..."The Life Issue Is What Separates Us From Islamic Fascists...

Rep. Ron Paul, R-Texas

Do you imagine that anyone would ever vote for anything to come out of Texas ever again? Likely personally executed an 15 year old mentally retarded drunk driver for the fun of it, so will win a few evangalicals over. Believes that evolution is possible in some universe's, maybe even this one.

"Karl Rove Would Certainly Not Be In The White House That I Inhabited" Yes, but answer the question, what about your bathtub?

Rep. Tom Tancredo, R-Colo.

Another who finds science and evolution distasteful, also doesnt believe in NASA or that bowels are used to digest food. Despite having the Grand Canyon in his backyard, believes it is not there, just an illusion created in the mind of the beholder as God intended a few minutes ago. Will run batshit crazy over the bill of rights and the constitution if elected, running on the Bush legacy. Promises much, looks good in a wetsuit and owns a gun, dont open the door if he knocks, believe me, you will regret it, he may not leave, ever.

Tommy Thompson, former secretary of Health and Human Services

With his busy acting career hasnt had time to read the papers or watch anything besides his own repotoire on the box, states that there have been"Several Thousand" Injured In Iraq. He may of course just be talking about the last few days to be fair. Promises that he is Ronald Regan reincarnated, but with a firmer grasp of facts and the english language. On the plus side, he has never killed anyone that counts, has only occasionally partied with Phil Spector and is willing to abort feotuses personally. Strong chance of winning if he just sits there and smiles politely at inane or topical questions, less if Law and Order keeps going down hill in the ratings.

Rudy Giuliani, former New York City mayor

Let me count the ways of losing:

a republican who is: pro-gun control, pro-abortion, divorced about a million times (announced he was leaving one of his wives at a press conference before he told her), picks up teenage prositutes in his mayoral limo for "counselling", has ties to the mob and endorses their candidates, frequently pictured in a dress, pro-gay weddings, has touched Hilary Clinton, comes from the home of gay, communist terrorists and may well be one.

Current frontrunner, until evangalicals and republicans hear him speak about any issue that they care about. On the plus side, will defeat all terrorism in the world the instant he takes office and bomb Iran, his only platform of note to date. Also still has time to reverse his postion on everything he stands for so far. Will win and be executed by one of his mistresses before he takes office.

A Nuclear Iran "Is The Worst Nightmare Of The Cold War, Isn't It?"...

Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz.

In the last contest (2000), this highly decorated, vietnam war veteran and North Vietnamese POW, was photoshopped into a picture giving a blowjob to Ho Chi Minh by Karl Rove, who then covertly sent stories of McCain directing Vietcong guerrilas against US troops and of how he was fathering negro children at the rate of ten a day. Suffice to say, these highly believable stories were secretly printed and broadcast on every channel and newspaper, ensuring a Bush win in the primaries. Never underestimate the stupidity, racism and blatant idiocy of the Republican base is the message that McCain took from that bruising encounter.

Reknowned as "the maverick", the "straightshooter, the man who speaks his mind and calls a spade a card in a deck of four suits, this giant on the political stage has spent the past two years backtracking and completely reverseing his position on everything he has ever said, doing the only honorable thing and caving in on each and every issue the far right evagalicals love. Is willing to stick his tongue up Pat Robertson and every right wing hate mongers bum, as far as it will go, and wiggle it till they smile in Jesus inspired bliss.

Will win if he can shave 30 years off his birth certificate and nobody questions him to closely or reads anything he may have said prior to his "conversion". On the other hand his desire to follow Osama "To The Gates Of Hell", may be as damaging as his admission that he will follow the Bush path on the war in Iraq "To The Gates Of Hell", with both of them polling about equal in the US.

"I Think The War Is On The Right Track"

scared yet...mission accomplished

On the anniversary of a multi coloured banner, we should not forget that today also marks a very special occasion in the symbols stakes for the world. Today a whole bunch of dutch creationists completed a full scale, living replica of Noahs Ark. Why is is so symbolic? Well, to me its the living embodyment of ideology over any form of sense, we see this because, despite their fabulous efforts in re-creating this mythical zoological QE2 party fun liner, they havent stuffed if full of two of every animal on the face of the earth, and dont plan to anytime soon. Its fine to build a structure 300 cubits long, and then say "behold, the spa, ye it be good and bubbling, and the ballroom, mighty spacious", its another to then stuff the hold with two of each and every bird, mammal, reptile and still have room for the microwave to feed the critters for the next 150 days. If they can do this and not get jailed by the RSPCA (or their dutch equivalent), then I will admit there may be some more flesh to their creaking ideological bones.

Now the same can be said of the current frenzied scare campaign being run out of the PM's office over Labors new IR laws. They so far conform to the frenzyied mishmash of scare tactics that greets each and every new poll placing the ALP in the drivers seat for the next election.

Look at the facts as spewed forth by the ideological princesses of industry and the government:

on global warming : if Labor gets into power, all industry will instantly shut down and the french will inherit the earth.

on IR reform: if labor gets into power, all industry will instantly shut down and then some mumbling about the french and the UN invading the world

In yesterdays Fin Review, Peter Hendy, chief exec of the Australian Chamber of Commerce and Industry, gave an impassioned review of why he opposes the IR changes by refering back to the straw man of industrial chaos and rampant strike action. Where has this man been since the late 1970's? His justifications and over the top critisism's are based upon an Australia not seen since Howard was treasurer, and certainly not based upon anything that came after the asscendancy of the Hawke years. Of course, his pedigree of being Peter Reiths close and faithful protege and all his words and actions could have spewed from any liberal party branch zerox machine. If at any point he could have been considered an impartial comentator on these matters, his latest ridiculous, spurious reasoning just places him as a Howard hack, regurgiating the Liberals upcoming election scare campaign. The man naught is more than a stooge, his claims are just not sustained with any facts or even a hint of balanced reasoning.

His look backwards to a distant, imaginary past are pure Howard ideology, bare on the bones and tilting at illusions of windmills. While Howard makes much of interest rates under Labor (he doesnt like to mention interest rates under his treasury stewardship), he is ever so careful never ot mention that under Labor, worker productivity rose by an average of 3% per year, while under his shoddy PMship it has barely made it to 1%. So what does that do to his claims of fine economic management, it shines a disturbing light on this governments chronic underfunding of education, infrastructure and new technologies, just witness the witless performance on telecommunications, Helen Coonans prnouncements that everything is wonderful and we have never had it so good, pure, unadultated shit.

The we have the rabid anti-unionist Rio Tinto making alarmist claims that the minerals boom will somehow instantly disapear the moment a labor victory is announced. So somehow the Chinese, Japanese and the rest of the world will stop consuming thier goods because of a union offical marching up to Rios front gate. What a joke this hyperbole of shit has become, rather than placing the blame squarely on government underinvestment in bottlenecks, it layers its arguments with groundless, factless ideology. Prior to the advent of these pre-dikensian work place laws, Rio Tinto under the foaming right wing ideologue Hugh Morgan, paid workers a bonus of on average $17,000 in a lump sum to walk away from their unions and join onto AWA's. Wasteful bliss, according to our present leader, but surely just another reason why the minerals boom has created a series of slush funds for corporations to tackle their own ideological mantras rather than productive investment in the future.

In a tight labour market (such as mining) with employers willing to go to great lengths to ensare any qualified workers, where is the incentive for the individual worker to increase their productivity. In the areas where AWA's have slashed the pay and working conditions of employees, espcially those lower skilled workers, who would have the incentive to boost their productivity when all it leads to is permanent insecurity and a decline in your paypacket. I and many others have said it before and will continue to ask, when will the Government release the accumulated data it has sitting in its vaults on AWA's? No need to be shy about the stunning success that they are Joe Hockey, like apples compared to oranges, I can tell the difference between horseshit and bullshit, one is pouring from your mouth, the other is carried to my car by a clerk in a store who has just had his pay and conditions slashed and will get no pay rise whatsoever for the next five years.

We have entered that era when the US system of wages has enveloped our economy, so get set for ten years of zero wages growth for the average worker and record profits for Corporations and CEO salaries. Apart from early Bush years where they had a strange anomaly, a jobless recovery from recession, they are now experiencing a period of record growth in two dispparet areas, the very poor and the very wealthy. Absolute poverty has increased, from just under 15% of the US population, to now over 17% under Bushes watch, the most daming statistic that I can find is a bizzare one. Over the last three christmas's, two companies have set record sales, one was Tiffany's, the other Walmart, these represent the extremes of the market, the very wealthy and the very poor. What this also means is the slow constriction and destruction of the middle, the true driving force of any economy, just watch our corporate leaders salivate about the rise of the Indian and Chinese middle classes and of how they would love to place one sock upon each of their increasingly wealthy feet while kissing the other in supplication. Workchoices will do the same in australia, increase our already growing wages disparity, force more of those working full time jobs onto the welfare roll as a top up to inadequate wages and eventually lead to a two tiered society of rich and poor, with the middle squeezed out of any opportunities.

Throw into this mix the self destructive mantra of anti-unionism, a crusade against organised labour, of pitting the paltry rescources of the individual against a thousand corporate lawyers, and conditions are ripe for a stagnant economy while profits reach record levels. In china, the trade imbalance, shoddy quality control, exploitative wages and conditions, record worker deaths and accidents are all the result of a lack of Unions. How many Chinese are going to strike to get the bare minimum of conditons in the face of jail and death? All you need to remember is that each and every condition you now enjoy in your workplace was fought for by a union, in the face of industry wailing the end of civilization as we know it. Organized labour has its vices, but the good far outweighs any bad, no matter what hugh morgan or Reiths whore, peter hendy may tell you.

Im not a Kevin Rudd man, never have been and I doubt wether I ever will be, give me Keating any day of the week, so I fall into that camp of "anyone but Howard". Howards legacy will be of a similar ilk to his ancient hero, Pig Iron Bob. Menzies stood by watching the money roll in from the farming sector while nascent Australian computer, electonics and space industries were all wiped out under his watch, wher would our economy be if these 21st century industrial powerhouse's were finally reaching there peak here today, and Howard is doing the same. Watching the cash roll in from the rescources boom while our best and brightest flee overseas with new technologies be it in software, telecommunications, alternative energies, bio tech industries and a host of developing industries of the new era. We will pay for 11 years of ideology over sense for a very long time unless we change course immediatley, and if you think its your mortage payment that will steer your vote this year, then you deserve everything that will come to fuck up your world.

The fact is that it is only the continuation of the drought that has focused the voters minds on global warming, and by extension the wasted oppotunities already going begging in the renewable energy sector. I know its cruel, but I wish the drought to continue at least until the election, as I fear that the voters will simply dance in the rain and forget what waste 11 years of this government has been.

Like the modern Noahs Ark, this government refuses to follow the logical conclusion of its accusations and prove that it has performed or even if there is any truth in shallow trumpeting, even as it shouts to the rooftops about its achievements. Stuff the Ark full of two of every animal, lets see if they all fit. Give us the facts about AWA's, lets see if they fit the foaming rehtoric, or are just more ideological bullshit. Give the opposition a chance to steer our future, I can guarntee that industry will not stop dead in its tracks the day after a Rudd government is elected, nor will the mining boom cease because of a change of leaders, who knows, we may even be all just a bit wealthier for following sense over groundless fear and superstition.

ten commandments

Now that women drivers have been "proven" to be better at driving than men, I am forced by circumstances to expose the underpinnings of society and reveal the truth about why the ten comandments are useless in a secular society. There cant be a god, why would he allow scientists to study such things?

1/ I am the LORD; thou shalt not have any other Gods.

a little restrictive on bhuddists, zorastrians, hindus and any non-monothesists. Not much fun for athiests either, but then fun is not why we're in the non-diety business, fun is something you have with creationists and trying to pack an ark with kangaroos of many hues. Also christians may want to reconsider wether Jesus was god or not, if you can only have the one, is he it, and if he is, how can God be killed? What about the holy ghost, what the hell is he/and/or she, eh? Never give protoplasim your pin number or credit card. Trust me on this, I drink heavily, so know of what i speak.

2/Thou shalt not make any image of me, bow to it or worship it.

christ on a cross!!! Thats gonna put some icon makers outa work and completly fuck up a few churches, not to mention the cost of remodeling the Sisteen Chapel. What about those very luxurious statues of the long haired, phillipino S and M guy in those ancient speedos who's always at the front of most christian churches, kinky or what? I refuse to bow down before that one, looking up someones loin cloth can get you arrested on public transport, so would you do it in a place of worship? Ok, sure you would, if it were an underage japanese schoolgirl up there, but now where just getting into my personal problems with this and several other laws. Fcuk communty service and their petty friggin greivances.

then again you could go for the laterday christian version, rather than the traditional version:

You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments."

Jealous, did he say jealous, what the fuck has god got to be jealous about, cant be penis envy, cant be because his neighbour just bought a new datsun 120y. Its also a little restrictive for many of the decorative arts or those who see images of Jesus in their pancakes, coz if you do, and you even think of worshiping that delicious maple laden treat, you, your children, your childrens children and their little terrors are in for a rough time. Despite the fact that elsewhere, he mentions that you shouldnt punish the children for the sins of the father, he is a bastard to follow when he has had a few.

I also think that seeing and worshiping idols in foodstuffs is covered by the UN charter on human rights, under the smallgoods and misc section.

3/ "You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not acquit anyone who misuses his name."

Im rightly fucked, and its no use calling out anything about freedom of speech with this one, stubb your toe on an archbisop and say "goddamnitt!" and you are as rightly poked in the arse by Satans prong as I am going to be all eternity. There is no way out, just once and you are outa here and down there. No mention of parole either, I think I will take this up with someone, maybe right a letter to one of the Popes or someone who will lend me money for a good lawyer, not that cheap drunken bastard I always go to, Christ he is...oh shit...

4/"Observe the sabbath day and keep it holy, as the LORD your God commanded you. Six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God; you shall not do any work—you, or your son or your daughter, or your male or female slave, or your ox or your donkey, or any of your livestock, or the resident alien in your towns, so that your male and female slave may rest as well as you. Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the LORD your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm; therefore the LORD your God commanded you to keep the sabbath day."

Friggin workchoices, all my slaves and my donkey work on the Sabbath, their ABA's stipulate it. So what do I choose, my god or my Prime Minister, who can do the most to scare me, God may have hell and a big arm, but Howard will interupt me with a million ads during my favourite TV shows telling my ox that he is so much better off now that he can work sundays for no more than he gets on monday. This scares me, but my donkey looks very relaxed and comfortable, must remember where I put that whip.

I must say that if I have been to egypt, I was must have been in a very drunken tour group, coz I have checked through the photos of the last trip, not a pyramid in sight, so I have no idea where this God gets his info about me, or what he is saying about me behind my back.

5/"Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you, so that your days may be long and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you."

He has clearly neer met my parents, they are total cunts, absolute and total, and I say that in the nicest possible way, but thats very hard to do with complete cunts. Also means that incest laws are very anti god, doesnt it?

6/ "You shall not murder."

seems like the one that anyone could follow, but it has so many caveats and lets face it, God doesnt take much notice of this one, eh Abraham. And whats murder these days, just an extroverted suicide or a posting to Iraq.

7/ "Neither shall you commit adultery."

ok, does viewing my favourite porn dvd fall under this heading? What about one of my lessor, more sort of M rated ones, or when I wave my camera phone below my knees in a crowded tram?And if Im not married and my girlfriend has this really hot friend who just drops over one night and asks if she can wait while my GF gets home from work and we have a few drinks, coz the woman is habitually late, and well she leans over in that short skirt of hers and asks, "see anything you like?", and Im like, "well, Ive always been a big fan of that brand of silk gstrings, Donna Karan if Im not mistaken, and Brazil is one of my seventy favourite countries, so...in short, a definite maybe on that one, but I could need a second opinion" I am only human, sure I may have some part igunana, but when this happens, well, Im not ..is there wiggle room?

8/"Neither shall you steal."

However can you expropriate, comandeer, shanghai, seize or scam someone outa that PSP2 or object of similar ilk? Isnt taxation without representation theft? Well I fell very under represented with the current crop of misanthropic bozo's running the world into their own personal ground zero. I always find that copyright trailer on DVD's asking you "you wouldnt steal a car?" a little misguided, coz quite frankly I would if I knew how, there are so many damn cars just lieing around in the streets, doing sweet fuck all after I leave the pub, and if someone could show me how to hotwire, I would always have a lift home and never need to worry about keeping aside cab fare. One last beer(s) or jump in a cab? No fuck it, its a coat hanger and magic fingers time.

Howard has stolen at least two elections, will he really go to hell for that. He looks quite comfortable with the notion, even if Im not.

9/"Neither shall you bear false witness against your neighbor."

But against that bitch in accounting who I accused of stealing the copy machine, that ok? She lives in Glen Iris, which is many suburbs and an entire river away. What about Dick Cheney, I mean, for fuks sake, he is still bangin on about the Saddam/Osama/911 conection despite being told a thousand times by anybody with an once of sense that it is complete bullshit, and he owns Afghanistan and Iraq now, so all afghanis and Iraqi's are his neighbour, technically. Does that count? Let me zerox the ways, take that Janice, you unemployed bitch!

10/ "Neither shall you covet your neighbour's wife."

One on the left of my house if a bit of minga, so no worries there, but on the right, on a cloudless night with my binoculars, when she is showering, well, I may fall afoul of this one, just a bit. Is it ok to cover thy nieghbours wife, if its cold and you have a spare blanket, or its raining and you are the only one with an umbrella> If thats the case, its only one letter off, are we just playing semantic games here. thats pretty cheep and petty, even for a diety.

11/ "Neither shall you desire your neighbor's house, or field, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

bang there goes all of captialism and the advertising industry. Also it adds up to 11, so feel free to ignore one of your least favourite commandments, my choice is probably the one about stealing, as I have always wanted to hoon down the street in a hotted up whatever, knowing that the power of the hotwire is within. Hotwire my heart, although technically this is in breach of one of the other commandments, and a truly useless pickup line outside of a Grand Prix or a Bathurst weekend.

I have also just been reliably informed that slavery is illegal, has been since the 1970, what kind of god doesnt keep up to date with the laws of the land. Remember big guy, ignorance is no excuse, as a magistrate once told me.